








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1395 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 155 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 109 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 103 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 72 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 39 matches | ||
| Wingman | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




77 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5126 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,690 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4886 | 39% |
| Smokes | 3888 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1701 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 2215 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,397,938 of utility $180 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1900 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fergus | 71% | 35 |
| #2 | balabeep | 56% | 386 |
| #3 | Muha Meds | 55% | 99 |
| #4 | Iron Chef Morimoto | 54% | 120 |
| #5 | jewishsavior | 53% | 167 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | balabeep | 61 | 0.0081 |
| #2 | xenoactivis | 21 | 0.0158 |
| #3 | Iron Chef Morimoto | 11 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | OG MonkeyMan | 8 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | jewishsavior | 7 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | balabeep | 761 | 0.10 | 17 min |
| #2 | OG MonkeyMan | 363 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #3 | jewishsavior | 263 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| #4 | Iron Chef Morimoto | 214 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #5 | Fergus | 144 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | balabeep | +4.59 | 70 | 53 |
| #2 | taiskitty | +0.62 | 46 | 40 |
| #3 | Fergus | +0.37 | 68 | 55 |
| #4 | Iron Chef Morimoto | +0.17 | 50 | 52 |
| #5 | Muha Meds | +0.10 | 64 | 23 |





