








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 531 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 234 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Faceit | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 41 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




32 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3437 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,057 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3066 | 22% |
| Smokes | 4341 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 3582 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3068 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,253,989 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 526 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | taiskitty | 54% | 120 |
| #6 | balabeep | 51% | 258 |
| #7 | OG MonkeyMan | 51% | 65 |
| #8 | CelestialKoi | 49% | 77 |
| #9 | XANNY | 49% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | balabeep | 31 | 0.0062 |
| #2 | taiskitty | 19 | 0.0079 |
| #3 | xenoactivis | 16 | 0.0216 |
| #4 | XANNY | 6 | 0.0052 |
| #5 | jewishsavior | 4 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | balabeep | 486 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #2 | taiskitty | 278 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #3 | OG MonkeyMan | 245 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #4 | CelestialKoi | 144 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | jewishsavior | 87 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | balabeep | +3.74 | 66 | 53 |
| #2 | Muha Meds | +0.88 | 58 | 26 |
| #3 | xenoactivis | +0.54 | 67 | 44 |
| #4 | Iron Chef Morimoto | +0.51 | 49 | 52 |
| #5 | XANNY | +0.27 | 47 | 40 |





