








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2228 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 249 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 230 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 164 matches | ||
| Premier | 147 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 22 matches | ||
| Wingman | 18 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




148 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
12418 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,610 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8401 | 33% |
| Smokes | 6580 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 6308 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 4321 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,616,934 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1415 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fergus | 61% | 95 |
| #2 | Muha Meds | 57% | 125 |
| #3 | taiskitty | 56% | 386 |
| #4 | jewishsavior | 53% | 155 |
| #5 | Iron Chef Morimoto | 51% | 258 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xenoactivis | 83 | 0.0230 |
| #2 | taiskitty | 51 | 0.0068 |
| #3 | OG MonkeyMan | 31 | 0.0061 |
| #4 | Iron Chef Morimoto | 22 | 0.0044 |
| #5 | XANNY | 16 | 0.0074 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | taiskitty | 873 | 0.12 | 17 min |
| #2 | OG MonkeyMan | 848 | 0.17 | 15 min |
| #3 | Iron Chef Morimoto | 445 | 0.09 | 11 min |
| #4 | Fergus | 307 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #5 | jewishsavior | 220 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | balabeep | +3.36 | 68 | 52 |
| #2 | Fergus | +0.49 | 63 | 53 |
| #3 | xenoactivis | +0.12 | 67 | 42 |
| #4 | Muha Meds | -0.06 | 62 | 17 |
| #5 | Iron Chef Morimoto | -0.09 | 52 | 49 |





