








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 618 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 473 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 158 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 94 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 49 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




79 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6133 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,634 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 802 | 4% |
| Smokes | 6068 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 8962 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 6802 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,354,752 of utility $173 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 567 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 老六小趴菜 | 65% | 48 |
| #2 | BloodcurdlingドドRum6lin9 | 60% | 94 |
| #3 | TutTuRu(*T△T)/ | 59% | 76 |
| #4 | 今天我叫你宝贝,明天 | 58% | 83 |
| #5 | MUnight | 57% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | st0rm | 90 | 0.0052 |
| #2 | Noel | 35 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | empurple | 26 | 0.0064 |
| #4 | Hamburger .。. | 25 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | tira | 17 | 0.0078 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hamburger .。. | 2063 | 0.20 | 49 min |
| #2 | st0rm | 1960 | 0.11 | 42 min |
| #3 | empurple | 561 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| #4 | Noel | 472 | 0.08 | 11 min |
| #5 | tira | 468 | 0.21 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noel | +4.53 | 70 | 53 |
| #2 | 今天我叫你宝贝,明天 | +4.34 | 75 | 48 |
| #3 | BloodcurdlingドドRum6lin9 | +2.88 | 50 | 64 |
| #4 | ●℥ | +2.11 | 66 | 55 |
| #5 | 老六小趴菜 | +2.04 | 75 | 59 |





