








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 81 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




89 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1628 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,480 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2162 | 48% |
| Smokes | 1003 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 715 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 600 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $246,433 of utility $112 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 499 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | nipsu | 36% | 33 |
| #7 | Makkaramies | 35% | 26 |
| #8 | Pabal | 23% | 13 |
| #9 | S1MPEL | 15% | 20 |
| #10 | GOOD_TRY😈 | 6% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Malminkeburulla | 25 | 0.0353 |
| #2 | Makkaramies | 18 | 0.0349 |
| #3 | nipsu | 17 | 0.0246 |
| #4 | Joosef (Nasareth) | 13 | 0.0111 |
| #5 | S1MPEL | 13 | 0.0341 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | S1MPEL | 166 | 0.44 | 4 min |
| #2 | nipsu | 149 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #3 | Joosef (Nasareth) | 112 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | Malminkeburulla | 92 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | Makkaramies | 78 | 0.15 | 1 min |





