








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 678 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1082 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,981 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 848 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1320 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 801 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1012 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $321,052 of utility $155 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 138 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | ℌ𝔢𝔯𝔪𝔢𝔰 | 56% | 9 |
| #6 | DorTroM | 56% | 45 |
| #7 | Koxos | 50% | 10 |
| #8 | -rep cigany | 48% | 23 |
| #9 | lmaogery | 13% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DorTroM | 11 | 0.0123 |
| #2 | dhȇ͆̂l̶̀̌̀̀u | 7 | 0.0066 |
| #3 | lmaogery | 2 | 0.0116 |
| #4 | dawg | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | postalgirl | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -rep cigany | 131 | 0.28 | 4 min |
| #2 | DorTroM | 112 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #3 | dhȇ͆̂l̶̀̌̀̀u | 104 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | dawg | 73 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | Koxos | 25 | 0.12 | 1 min |





