








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 624 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 941 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




156 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7950 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,744 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5254 | 24% |
| Smokes | 7262 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 8204 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 1024 | 5% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,367,514 of utility $184 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 540 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Clit0chris | 49% | 186 |
| #2 | Richard Cranium | 49% | 91 |
| #3 | AbsoluteUNIT | 49% | 113 |
| #4 | I'd rather be fishing | 47% | 293 |
| #5 | NotADude | 47% | 140 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | I'd rather be fishing | 47% | 293 |
| #5 | NotADude | 47% | 140 |
| #6 | Stoned | 46% | 631 |
| #7 | Drunk | 46% | 218 |
| #8 | MosomaBinLaden | 39% | 147 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stoned | 45 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | I'd rather be fishing | 14 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Drunk | 13 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | Clit0chris | 8 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | MosomaBinLaden | 8 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stoned | 972 | 0.07 | 25 min |
| #2 | I'd rather be fishing | 710 | 0.11 | 19 min |
| #3 | AbsoluteUNIT | 400 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| #4 | Clit0chris | 349 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #5 | Drunk | 269 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I'd rather be fishing | +3.91 | 82 | 63 |
| #2 | Richard Cranium | +3.31 | 80 | 61 |
| #3 | Drunk | +0.26 | 67 | 41 |
| #4 | AbsoluteUNIT | +0.09 | 34 | 48 |
| #5 | Kyōjurō Rengoku | -0.32 | 49 | 50 |





