








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 212 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 192 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2164 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,613 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1177 | 33% |
| Smokes | 960 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 608 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 868 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $999,371 of utility $168 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 280 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Richard Cranium | 53% | 19 |
| #2 | Clit0chris | 51% | 45 |
| #3 | Stoned | 48% | 192 |
| #4 | MosomaBinLaden | 48% | 56 |
| #5 | I'd rather be fishing | 48% | 67 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kyōjurō Rengoku | 32 | 0.0072 |
| #2 | Stoned | 10 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | I'd rather be fishing | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | MosomaBinLaden | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | Clit0chris | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stoned | 283 | 0.07 | 8 min |
| #2 | Kyōjurō Rengoku | 230 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #3 | AbsoluteUNIT | 181 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #4 | I'd rather be fishing | 172 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #5 | Clit0chris | 107 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I'd rather be fishing | +4.15 | 85 | 60 |
| #2 | Richard Cranium | +2.77 | 86 | 64 |
| #3 | Drunk | +0.36 | 69 | 41 |
| #4 | Kyōjurō Rengoku | -0.17 | 44 | 50 |
| #5 | AbsoluteUNIT | -0.89 | 35 | 49 |





