








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1209 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 902 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




66 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7457 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,618 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5336 | 29% |
| Smokes | 6898 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 3709 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2675 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,027,352 of utility $95 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 666 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NotADude | 50% | 103 |
| #2 | Drunk | 48% | 192 |
| #3 | Cross-faded | 47% | 64 |
| #4 | Kyōjurō Rengoku | 46% | 631 |
| #5 | AbsoluteUNIT | 46% | 214 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kyōjurō Rengoku | 97 | 0.0073 |
| #2 | I'd rather be fishing | 15 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Drunk | 10 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | Clit0chris | 9 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | Richard Cranium | 9 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kyōjurō Rengoku | 785 | 0.06 | 15 min |
| #2 | I'd rather be fishing | 758 | 0.11 | 21 min |
| #3 | AbsoluteUNIT | 678 | 0.15 | 15 min |
| #4 | Clit0chris | 453 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #5 | Richard Cranium | 304 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I'd rather be fishing | +4.43 | 82 | 61 |
| #2 | Richard Cranium | +2.96 | 78 | 62 |
| #3 | Drunk | +0.59 | 71 | 43 |
| #4 | AbsoluteUNIT | +0.22 | 32 | 47 |
| #5 | Cross-faded | +0.18 | 56 | 57 |





