








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 69 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 98 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1154 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,713 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1687 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1399 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1335 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1292 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $365,863 of utility $71 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 114 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Richard Cranium | 50% | 18 |
| #2 | Clit0chris | 50% | 28 |
| #3 | Drunk | 48% | 56 |
| #4 | AbsoluteUNIT | 45% | 22 |
| #5 | Stoned | 42% | 89 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Drunk | 48% | 56 |
| #4 | AbsoluteUNIT | 45% | 22 |
| #5 | Stoned | 42% | 89 |
| #6 | I'd rather be fishing | 39% | 33 |
| #7 | Kyōjurō Rengoku | 39% | 147 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kyōjurō Rengoku | 38 | 0.0130 |
| #2 | Drunk | 8 | 0.0077 |
| #3 | Stoned | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | I'd rather be fishing | 2 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | Clit0chris | 2 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kyōjurō Rengoku | 205 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #2 | Stoned | 131 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #3 | AbsoluteUNIT | 87 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #4 | Drunk | 71 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | I'd rather be fishing | 69 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Richard Cranium | +4.95 | 92 | 62 |
| #2 | I'd rather be fishing | +4.64 | 82 | 64 |
| #3 | Drunk | +0.94 | 67 | 44 |
| #4 | Kyōjurō Rengoku | +0.37 | 56 | 45 |
| #5 | AbsoluteUNIT | +0.05 | 43 | 41 |





