








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 587 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 400 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6161 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,266 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6326 | 44% |
| Smokes | 2919 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 3660 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1361 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $619,992 of utility $54 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 810 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Drunk | 48% | 67 |
| #2 | Kyōjurō Rengoku | 47% | 293 |
| #3 | Stoned | 43% | 322 |
| #4 | Clit0chris | 42% | 76 |
| #5 | MosomaBinLaden | 39% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Stoned | 43% | 322 |
| #4 | Clit0chris | 42% | 76 |
| #5 | MosomaBinLaden | 39% | 33 |
| #6 | NotADude | 38% | 63 |
| #7 | AbsoluteUNIT | 38% | 82 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kyōjurō Rengoku | 48 | 0.0077 |
| #2 | Stoned | 20 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | Clit0chris | 6 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | Drunk | 4 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | MosomaBinLaden | 2 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stoned | 473 | 0.07 | 13 min |
| #2 | Kyōjurō Rengoku | 396 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #3 | AbsoluteUNIT | 251 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #4 | Clit0chris | 130 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | Drunk | 85 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I'd rather be fishing | +3.47 | 81 | 62 |
| #2 | AbsoluteUNIT | -0.53 | 34 | 42 |
| #3 | Drunk | -0.76 | 67 | 46 |
| #4 | Kyōjurō Rengoku | -1.17 | 50 | 50 |
| #5 | Stoned | -2.57 | 61 | 46 |





