








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 943 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 702 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 65 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




149 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8432 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 26,107 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7679 | 29% |
| Smokes | 5742 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 7154 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 5532 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,816,565 of utility $196 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2899 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Ron Swanson | 53% | 130 |
| #4 | whoami? | 53% | 137 |
| #5 | Kikn | 52% | 184 |
| #6 | kikn | 51% | 73 |
| #7 | Dᴀʀᴛʜ Cʏʀᴏ | 38% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gobbles | 565 | 0.13 | 14 min |
| #2 | Kikn | 411 | 0.11 | 10 min |
| #3 | Ron Swanson | 394 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #4 | whoami? | 308 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #5 | kikn | 159 | 0.10 | 5 min |





