








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2829 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1961 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 184 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




100 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
18247 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 76,753 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 14900 | 19% |
| Smokes | 13755 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 24073 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 24025 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $8,867,151 of utility $202 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5515 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WuhzGood | 55% | 139 |
| #2 | d!nk. | 54% | 206 |
| #3 | BAL3 | 54% | 230 |
| #4 | kikn | 51% | 139 |
| #5 | Ron Swanson | 51% | 240 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BAL3 | 1143 | 0.24 | 29 min |
| #2 | ☣Orion | 819 | 0.11 | 18 min |
| #3 | Ron Swanson | 817 | 0.16 | 23 min |
| #4 | Kikn | 577 | 0.13 | 13 min |
| #5 | whoami? | 542 | 0.10 | 15 min |





