








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 366 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 268 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2776 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,851 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3097 | 26% |
| Smokes | 2392 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 3872 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 2490 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,413,948 of utility $185 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 411 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | d!nk.'d ur d@d | 60% | 47 |
| #2 | Banana ☆ | 57% | 58 |
| #3 | Gobbles | 51% | 139 |
| #4 | d!nk. | 51% | 73 |
| #5 | MessiaHz | 50% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | MessiaHz | 50% | 32 |
| #6 | Shmitty | 49% | 39 |
| #7 | Covagi | 48% | 25 |
| #8 | Ron Swanson | 47% | 140 |
| #9 | whoami? | 45% | 101 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ron Swanson | 13 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | d!nk.'d ur d@d | 12 | 0.0123 |
| #3 | d!nk. | 10 | 0.0063 |
| #4 | Banana ☆ | 9 | 0.0089 |
| #5 | Gobbles | 5 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ron Swanson | 442 | 0.15 | 13 min |
| #2 | Gobbles | 358 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #3 | whoami? | 207 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #4 | d!nk. | 133 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #5 | Covagi | 101 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Covagi | +2.82 | 62 | 67 |
| #2 | d!nk.'d ur d@d | +2.01 | 50 | 64 |
| #3 | Banana ☆ | +1.89 | 59 | 62 |
| #4 | Ron Swanson | +1.10 | 43 | 62 |
| #5 | d!nk. | +0.99 | 48 | 66 |





