








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 4 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
335 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,285 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 306 | 24% |
| Smokes | 286 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 459 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 234 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $134,551 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bud Fox | 67% | 9 |
| #2 | BabsaN | 57% | 7 |
| #3 | Bosse | 56% | 16 |
| #4 | bobozoolander | 50% | 8 |
| #5 | Call me Asparagus | 50% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | BabsaN | 57% | 7 |
| #3 | Bosse | 56% | 16 |
| #4 | bobozoolander | 50% | 8 |
| #5 | Call me Asparagus | 50% | 14 |
| #6 | Fonk | 44% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bosse | 3 | 0.0088 |
| #2 | Fonk | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Call me Asparagus | 1 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fonk | 120 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #2 | Call me Asparagus | 42 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #3 | Bosse | 20 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #4 | bobozoolander | 15 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #5 | BabsaN | 10 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bosse | +3.45 | 78 | 57 |
| #2 | Fonk | +1.54 | 59 | 68 |
| #3 | bobozoolander | +0.49 | 71 | 54 |
| #4 | BabsaN | +0.31 | 44 | 68 |
| #5 | Call me Asparagus | -0.02 | 55 | 49 |





