








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 127 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 126 matches | ||
| Faceit | 62 matches | ||
| Wingman | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1861 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,262 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2157 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2695 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2700 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1710 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $579,541 of utility $112 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 153 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | freddan | 80% | 15 |
| #2 | ImpoteNt! | 57% | 14 |
| #3 | Bosse | 53% | 148 |
| #4 | Bud Fox | 52% | 111 |
| #5 | BabsaN | 52% | 104 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Bosse | 53% | 148 |
| #4 | Bud Fox | 52% | 111 |
| #5 | BabsaN | 52% | 104 |
| #6 | Call me Asparagus | 48% | 96 |
| #7 | Fonk | 47% | 88 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Call me Asparagus | 6 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | Bosse | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | Bud Fox | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Fonk | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | freddan | 2 | 0.0064 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fonk | 315 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #2 | Call me Asparagus | 299 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #3 | Bosse | 196 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #4 | BabsaN | 180 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #5 | Bud Fox | 63 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ImpoteNt! | +6.57 | 75 | 60 |
| #2 | freddan | +6.21 | 87 | 61 |
| #3 | Bosse | +1.94 | 80 | 57 |
| #4 | Fonk | +1.70 | 69 | 65 |
| #5 | bobozoolander | +0.27 | 54 | 57 |





