








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 174 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 210 matches | ||
| Faceit | 90 matches | ||
| Wingman | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2504 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,768 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 919 | 12% |
| Smokes | 2779 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 1629 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2441 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $605,542 of utility $78 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 92 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | freddan | 68% | 22 |
| #2 | BabsaN | 53% | 126 |
| #3 | Fonk | 52% | 145 |
| #4 | bobozoolander | 52% | 111 |
| #5 | Bosse | 51% | 210 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | BabsaN | 53% | 126 |
| #3 | Fonk | 52% | 145 |
| #4 | bobozoolander | 52% | 111 |
| #5 | Bosse | 51% | 210 |
| #6 | Call me Asparagus | 51% | 144 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Call me Asparagus | 10 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | Bosse | 5 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | bobozoolander | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Fonk | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | BabsaN | 2 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fonk | 523 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #2 | Call me Asparagus | 456 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #3 | bobozoolander | 317 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #4 | Bosse | 278 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #5 | BabsaN | 215 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | freddan | +4.78 | 90 | 66 |
| #2 | Bosse | +2.11 | 81 | 55 |
| #3 | Fonk | +1.13 | 66 | 63 |
| #4 | bobozoolander | +0.34 | 56 | 54 |
| #5 | Call me Asparagus | -0.06 | 59 | 52 |





