








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 329 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 169 matches | ||
| Faceit | 90 matches | ||
| Wingman | 40 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3304 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,417 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3724 | 30% |
| Smokes | 3264 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2594 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2835 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $876,511 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | doctor9 | 59% | 22 |
| #2 | Bosse | 55% | 207 |
| #3 | freddan | 55% | 22 |
| #4 | Bud Fox | 52% | 145 |
| #5 | Call me Asparagus | 50% | 115 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Bud Fox | 52% | 145 |
| #5 | Call me Asparagus | 50% | 115 |
| #6 | BabsaN | 49% | 115 |
| #7 | bobozoolander | 47% | 88 |
| #8 | mossi | 44% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Call me Asparagus | 11 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | Bosse | 8 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | Bud Fox | 8 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | bobozoolander | 6 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | BabsaN | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Call me Asparagus | 386 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #2 | Bosse | 316 | 0.07 | 8 min |
| #3 | bobozoolander | 264 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #4 | BabsaN | 225 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #5 | Bud Fox | 117 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | doctor9 | +4.49 | 87 | 59 |
| #2 | freddan | +3.57 | 88 | 65 |
| #3 | Bosse | +1.66 | 80 | 56 |
| #4 | Fonk | +1.17 | 65 | 63 |
| #5 | bobozoolander | -0.05 | 53 | 59 |





