










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 52 matches | ||
| Wingman | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
448 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,250 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 486 | 22% |
| Smokes | 995 | 44% |
| HE Grenades | 457 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 312 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $253,483 of utility $148 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 60 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Semi LΓΆllΓΆ | 50% | 40 |
| #2 | jupe | 46% | 13 |
| #3 | eedspeaks+canadian masturbate | 42% | 38 |
| #4 | Laina-Takki Keskituuhea | 41% | 22 |
| #5 | GargeFPS | 40% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Semi LΓΆllΓΆ | 50% | 40 |
| #2 | jupe | 46% | 13 |
| #3 | eedspeaks+canadian masturbate | 42% | 38 |
| #4 | Laina-Takki Keskituuhea | 41% | 22 |
| #5 | GargeFPS | 40% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eedspeaks+canadian masturbate | 6 | 0.0093 |
| #2 | Laina-Takki Keskituuhea | 4 | 0.0100 |
| #3 | GargeFPS | 2 | 0.0072 |
| #4 | Semi LΓΆllΓΆ | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | jupe | 1 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Semi LΓΆllΓΆ | 103 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #2 | eedspeaks+canadian masturbate | 86 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #3 | GargeFPS | 49 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #4 | jupe | 28 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| #5 | Laina-Takki Keskituuhea | 23 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eedspeaks+canadian masturbate | +4.15 | 71 | 68 |
| #2 | jupe | +2.00 | 27 | 59 |
| #3 | Semi LΓΆllΓΆ | +0.98 | 44 | 37 |
| #4 | Laina-Takki Keskituuhea | -0.64 | 36 | 34 |
| #5 | GargeFPS | -1.52 | 50 | 58 |





