








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 317 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 288 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




38 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2953 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,387 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1664 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1905 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2275 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1543 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,504,266 of utility $214 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 452 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MASA | 58% | 59 |
| #2 | eedspeaks+canadian masturbate | 55% | 143 |
| #3 | O T S O | 54% | 91 |
| #4 | Valdemar | 53% | 19 |
| #5 | Semi Lรถllรถ | 51% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eedspeaks+canadian masturbate | 15 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | O T S O | 13 | 0.0070 |
| #3 | GargeFPS | 10 | 0.0102 |
| #4 | Semi Lรถllรถ | 4 | 0.0048 |
| #5 | MASA | 2 | 0.0016 |





