








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 712 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 112 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 89 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 99 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




43 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5582 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,280 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8086 | 35% |
| Smokes | 4868 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 4723 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 5603 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,550,089 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 301 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Japanese Fingerman | 66% | 119 |
| #2 | Gwert | 63% | 43 |
| #3 | Jerry | 62% | 152 |
| #4 | the hell? | 61% | 38 |
| #5 | cringle dangle | 60% | 106 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Goomba | 34 | 0.0087 |
| #2 | first3numbers | 15 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | Jerry | 15 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | J Peppa 💯🔥 | 13 | 0.0113 |
| #5 | TrennanL | 12 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TrennanL | 325 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #2 | Wavier | 315 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #3 | Jerry | 295 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #4 | Goomba | 260 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #5 | Japanese Fingerman | 223 | 0.10 | 7 min |





