








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1359 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 407 matches | ||
| Esplay | 328 matches | 1,467 | |
| Wingman | 142 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 202 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5013 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 36,824 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6010 | 16% |
| Smokes | 10442 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 10882 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 9490 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,608,829 of utility $82 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 887 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Hex | 46% | 123 |
| #7 | acidbanana | 45% | 82 |
| #8 | Kock i rock | 45% | 191 |
| #9 | -=|Hoppsan|=- | 43% | 351 |
| #10 | .Ohlen | 38% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kock i rock | 11 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | -=|Hoppsan|=- | 6 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | -=PiTeRaQ=- | 6 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | Hex | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | .Ohlen | 3 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hex | 335 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #2 | CmA | 308 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #3 | ✪ Soleif | 237 | 0.03 | 6 min |
| #4 | Kock i rock | 205 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #5 | -=PiTeRaQ=- | 187 | 0.10 | 6 min |





