








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 844 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 169 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2541 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,299 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1847 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2956 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 2310 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2186 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $607,121 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 34 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Valdemar | 65% | 23 |
| #2 | jupe | 60% | 15 |
| #3 | Laina-Takki Keskituuhea | 54% | 91 |
| #4 | eedspeaks+canadian masturbate | 51% | 118 |
| #5 | Semi Löllö | 47% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | jupe | 60% | 15 |
| #3 | Laina-Takki Keskituuhea | 54% | 91 |
| #4 | eedspeaks+canadian masturbate | 51% | 118 |
| #5 | Semi Löllö | 47% | 15 |
| #6 | GargeFPS | 47% | 118 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GargeFPS | 20 | 0.0080 |
| #2 | eedspeaks+canadian masturbate | 10 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | Laina-Takki Keskituuhea | 6 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | Valdemar | 2 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | jupe | 2 | 0.0070 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GargeFPS | 470 | 0.19 | 11 min |
| #2 | eedspeaks+canadian masturbate | 331 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #3 | Valdemar | 76 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #4 | Laina-Takki Keskituuhea | 71 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Semi Löllö | 32 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | O T S O | +2.81 | 77 | 64 |
| #2 | jupe | +2.08 | 48 | 40 |
| #3 | eedspeaks+canadian masturbate | -0.19 | 69 | 65 |
| #4 | Valdemar | -0.96 | 53 | 56 |
| #5 | GargeFPS | -1.71 | 47 | 61 |





