








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 321 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 255 matches | ||
| Wingman | 159 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 96 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 92 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 89 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 65 matches | ||
| Faceit | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 53 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




176 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9856 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,116 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8222 | 33% |
| Smokes | 8060 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 5885 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2949 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,370,065 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2798 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Neaplo | 55% | 58 |
| #2 | lazy as hell i uber eated 2 cups | 52% | 254 |
| #3 | YT/DanFMN | 51% | 70 |
| #4 | Thooter | 49% | 223 |
| #5 | Swan Harold | 48% | 237 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Thooter | 49% | 223 |
| #5 | Swan Harold | 48% | 237 |
| #6 | Ol Slappy | 48% | 420 |
| #7 | Hamburglar7 | 42% | 152 |
| #8 | SlicedBread7 | 38% | 129 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ol Slappy | 59 | 0.0071 |
| #2 | Swan Harold | 12 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Thooter | 12 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | SlicedBread7 | 10 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | Neaplo | 8 | 0.0068 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Swan Harold | 369 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| #2 | Thooter | 292 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #3 | lazy as hell i uber eated 2 cups | 276 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #4 | Ol Slappy | 127 | 0.02 | 3 min |
| #5 | Neaplo | 81 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lazy as hell i uber eated 2 cups | +5.96 | 90 | 49 |
| #2 | YT/DanFMN | +3.53 | 80 | 50 |
| #3 | Sleepyjoshua7 | +1.86 | 76 | 52 |
| #4 | Neaplo | +1.44 | 44 | 44 |
| #5 | Ol Slappy | -0.20 | 58 | 21 |





