








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 274 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 163 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 85 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 30 matches | ||
| Wingman | 23 matches | ||
| Faceit | 21 matches | ||
| Premier | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9720 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,855 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3061 | 24% |
| Smokes | 4085 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 2984 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2725 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,696,487 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 371 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dony Montana | 59% | 39 |
| #2 | Ol Slappy | 53% | 444 |
| #3 | Swan Harold | 52% | 194 |
| #4 | Hamburglar7 | 52% | 296 |
| #5 | Thooter | 52% | 250 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Hamburglar7 | 52% | 296 |
| #5 | Thooter | 52% | 250 |
| #6 | Sleepyjoshua7 | 52% | 254 |
| #7 | Neaplo | 47% | 90 |
| #8 | SlicedBread7 | 40% | 210 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ol Slappy | 64 | 0.0074 |
| #2 | Sleepyjoshua7 | 38 | 0.0076 |
| #3 | SlicedBread7 | 21 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | Hamburglar7 | 19 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | Swan Harold | 17 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sleepyjoshua7 | 506 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #2 | Thooter | 349 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #3 | Swan Harold | 292 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #4 | Neaplo | 136 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | Ol Slappy | 98 | 0.01 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lazy as hell i uber eated 2 cups | +7.03 | 92 | 47 |
| #2 | Sleepyjoshua7 | +1.90 | 76 | 52 |
| #3 | Ol Slappy | +0.02 | 62 | 23 |
| #4 | Neaplo | -0.53 | 47 | 34 |
| #5 | Dony Montana | -1.03 | 43 | 41 |





