








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 60 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 29 matches | ||
| Premier | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 22 matches | ||
| Wingman | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




39 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2727 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,832 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 314 | 5% |
| Smokes | 2593 | 44% |
| HE Grenades | 2088 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 837 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $872,898 of utility $89 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 173 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Finntanyl | 48% | 73 |
| #2 | Hamburglar7 | 44% | 128 |
| #3 | Neaplo | 43% | 91 |
| #4 | Swan Harold | 41% | 227 |
| #5 | Beatnsomecheeks | 41% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Beatnsomecheeks | 41% | 29 |
| #6 | lazy as hell i uber eated 2 cups | 40% | 210 |
| #7 | Sleepyjoshua7 | 38% | 129 |
| #8 | Ol Slappy | 38% | 306 |
| #9 | Thooter | 35% | 170 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ol Slappy | 60 | 0.0103 |
| #2 | Sleepyjoshua7 | 35 | 0.0141 |
| #3 | Swan Harold | 20 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | Hamburglar7 | 11 | 0.0045 |
| #5 | Neaplo | 11 | 0.0064 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Swan Harold | 338 | 0.08 | 9 min |
| #2 | Sleepyjoshua7 | 275 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #3 | lazy as hell i uber eated 2 cups | 212 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #4 | Thooter | 203 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #5 | Neaplo | 129 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lazy as hell i uber eated 2 cups | +7.34 | 92 | 48 |
| #2 | Sleepyjoshua7 | +3.07 | 79 | 47 |
| #3 | Finntanyl | +1.27 | 79 | 27 |
| #4 | Neaplo | +0.99 | 47 | 42 |
| #5 | Ol Slappy | +0.73 | 59 | 19 |





