








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 289 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 127 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 88 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 86 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 57 matches | ||
| Premier | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4450 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,573 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2712 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2633 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2663 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1565 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,052,110 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 189 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lazy as hell i uber eated 2 cups | 52% | 250 |
| #2 | Neaplo | 51% | 41 |
| #3 | Ol Slappy | 50% | 273 |
| #4 | Sleepyjoshua7 | 49% | 223 |
| #5 | bill | 49% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Sleepyjoshua7 | 49% | 223 |
| #5 | bill | 49% | 39 |
| #6 | Hamburglar7 | 49% | 191 |
| #7 | Swan Harold | 43% | 226 |
| #8 | SlicedBread7 | 35% | 170 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sleepyjoshua7 | 43 | 0.0101 |
| #2 | Ol Slappy | 36 | 0.0069 |
| #3 | Swan Harold | 24 | 0.0056 |
| #4 | lazy as hell i uber eated 2 cups | 12 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | Hamburglar7 | 9 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sleepyjoshua7 | 415 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #2 | Swan Harold | 372 | 0.09 | 10 min |
| #3 | lazy as hell i uber eated 2 cups | 300 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #4 | Neaplo | 69 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | SlicedBread7 | 38 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lazy as hell i uber eated 2 cups | +8.19 | 92 | 45 |
| #2 | Sleepyjoshua7 | +3.07 | 79 | 49 |
| #3 | Ol Slappy | +1.32 | 65 | 23 |
| #4 | Neaplo | +0.81 | 51 | 44 |
| #5 | Thooter | -0.54 | 51 | 35 |





