








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 944 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1053 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 309 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 31 matches | ||
| Wingman | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 19 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




87 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
10758 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,699 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1241 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1258 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1068 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1132 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $708,679 of utility $19 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 914 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lazy as hell i uber eated 2 cups | 52% | 296 |
| #2 | Ol Slappy | 49% | 296 |
| #3 | Thooter | 49% | 191 |
| #4 | Swan Harold | 48% | 219 |
| #5 | SlicedBread7 | 44% | 128 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Ol Slappy | 49% | 296 |
| #3 | Thooter | 49% | 191 |
| #4 | Swan Harold | 48% | 219 |
| #5 | SlicedBread7 | 44% | 128 |
| #6 | Sleepyjoshua7 | 42% | 152 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ol Slappy | 44 | 0.0077 |
| #2 | Sleepyjoshua7 | 40 | 0.0134 |
| #3 | lazy as hell i uber eated 2 cups | 17 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | Swan Harold | 16 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | Thooter | 9 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lazy as hell i uber eated 2 cups | 334 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #2 | Sleepyjoshua7 | 320 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #3 | Thooter | 283 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #4 | Swan Harold | 262 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #5 | Ol Slappy | 40 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lazy as hell i uber eated 2 cups | +8.88 | 93 | 47 |
| #2 | Sleepyjoshua7 | +4.02 | 78 | 50 |
| #3 | Ol Slappy | +3.29 | 68 | 24 |
| #4 | Thooter | +0.49 | 54 | 33 |
| #5 | Swan Harold | +0.12 | 58 | 45 |





