










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Premier | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
441 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,390 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 222 | 16% |
| Smokes | 649 | 47% |
| HE Grenades | 166 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 353 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $275,197 of utility $188 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 177 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fishyflap420 | 75% | 12 |
| #2 | Karla and Latifa “2g1c” | 62% | 13 |
| #3 | Barry Manilow | 58% | 12 |
| #4 | Frandingo | 57% | 14 |
| #5 | Hal Wilkerson | 56% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hal Wilkerson | 93 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #2 | Rodent.jpg | 58 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #3 | Barry Manilow | 42 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #4 | Karla and Latifa “2g1c” | 37 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #5 | fishyflap420 | 33 | 0.14 | 0 min |





