








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 426 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 24 matches | ||
| Premier | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1152 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,238 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 370 | 11% |
| Smokes | 657 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 631 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1580 | 49% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,269,876 of utility $248 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 133 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | BigTasty | 46% | 28 |
| #10 | Sheer | 43% | 14 |
| #11 | Hal Wilkerson | 42% | 69 |
| #12 | Barry Manilow | 38% | 24 |
| #13 | Frandingo | 34% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Karla and Latifa “2g1c” | 5 | 0.0058 |
| #2 | Killer99/x/ | 5 | 0.0066 |
| #3 | Harry | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Hal Wilkerson | 3 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | fishyflap420 | 3 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hal Wilkerson | 183 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #2 | Rodent.jpg | 176 | 0.04 | 5 min |
| #3 | Frandingo | 146 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #4 | fishyflap420 | 85 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | Robin | 84 | 0.17 | 2 min |





