










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 206 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1506 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,838 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 151 | 5% |
| Smokes | 1167 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 732 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 788 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $964,976 of utility $199 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 263 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rodent.jpg | 139 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #2 | Hal Wilkerson | 125 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #3 | Frandingo | 84 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #4 | Barry Manilow | 75 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #5 | Robin | 70 | 0.17 | 2 min |





