








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 188 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




40 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2052 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,420 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 556 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1543 | 45% |
| HE Grenades | 507 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 814 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,270,966 of utility $282 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 34 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | lizzyc | 55% | 64 |
| #10 | 梵 | 53% | 43 |
| #11 | 为看萝莉洗澡踩二十年缝纫机 | 53% | 15 |
| #12 | 时倾 | 50% | 20 |
| #13 | Sleepy Coconuts | 33% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 魔仙女王之神 | 266 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #2 | oranger | 183 | 0.22 | 5 min |
| #3 | GREEN CUP ♿ | 160 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #4 | 梵 | 155 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #5 | lizzyc | 121 | 0.09 | 3 min |





