








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 391 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 192 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2686 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,034 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2937 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2333 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2546 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2218 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $612,422 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 190 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HamSandwich (._.) | 76% | 21 |
| #2 | CHRIZZ | 75% | 32 |
| #3 | Dog_With_AWP | 74% | 19 |
| #4 | Nuaj | 73% | 64 |
| #5 | sippin' on skull & bones sizzurp | 70% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nuaj | 27 | 0.0212 |
| #2 | KAPS | 21 | 0.0128 |
| #3 | CHRIZZ | 8 | 0.0119 |
| #4 | sippin' on skull & bones sizzurp | 5 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | Astro | 5 | 0.0083 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sippin' on skull & bones sizzurp | 319 | 0.34 | 7 min |
| #2 | KAPS | 257 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #3 | Nuaj | 250 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| #4 | CHRIZZ | 150 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #5 | Astro | 82 | 0.14 | 3 min |





