










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 70 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
584 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,418 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 476 | 20% |
| Smokes | 547 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 672 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 723 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $316,906 of utility $162 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 198 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ämääääh | 42% | 52 |
| #2 | ✪Jake | 40% | 10 |
| #3 | ✪ツ | 39% | 28 |
| #4 | ✪Kape | 39% | 51 |
| #5 | kukkahattumies | 39% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ämääääh | 20 | 0.0177 |
| #2 | ✪Kape | 10 | 0.0092 |
| #3 | kukkahattumies | 8 | 0.0227 |
| #4 | rizzto | 5 | 0.0108 |
| #5 | ✪ツ | 4 | 0.0068 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪Kape | 196 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #2 | Hirvola | 153 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #3 | ✪ツ | 106 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #4 | rizzto | 74 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #5 | kukkahattumies | 68 | 0.19 | 1 min |





