








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 450 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 133 matches | ||
| Wingman | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2191 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,949 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 967 | 24% |
| Smokes | 746 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1063 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1173 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,019,433 of utility $216 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 198 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | ✪Jake | 35% | 55 |
| #6 | ✪ツ | 33% | 30 |
| #7 | PaskaPasi | 32% | 53 |
| #8 | rizzto | 23% | 30 |
| #9 | Tompppeli | 23% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪Kape | 35 | 0.0118 |
| #2 | ✪ämääääh | 22 | 0.0145 |
| #3 | PaskaPasi | 12 | 0.0108 |
| #4 | ✪Jake | 7 | 0.0057 |
| #5 | ✪ツ | 5 | 0.0079 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪Kape | 424 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #2 | ✪Jake | 117 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #3 | rizzto | 108 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #4 | Hirvola | 84 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #5 | PaskaPasi | 78 | 0.07 | 2 min |





