








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 35 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1182 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,650 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1366 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1402 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1495 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1387 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $288,887 of utility $83 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 33 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Peon | 60% | 10 |
| #2 | tdumps | 58% | 19 |
| #3 | Xeris | 50% | 94 |
| #4 | TOY â(ã)āļ§ | 46% | 63 |
| #5 | biggest idiot in open | 45% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | TOY â(ã)āļ§ | 46% | 63 |
| #5 | biggest idiot in open | 45% | 56 |
| #6 | josh | 44% | 113 |
| #7 | KAZHUA IS BASED | 42% | 52 |
| #8 | flaw | 42% | 106 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | flaw | 17 | 0.0078 |
| #2 | biggest idiot in open | 10 | 0.0090 |
| #3 | josh | 6 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | KAZHUA IS BASED | 4 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | Xeris | 3 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | flaw | 810 | 0.37 | 22 min |
| #2 | Xeris | 367 | 0.19 | 12 min |
| #3 | TOY â(ã)āļ§ | 352 | 0.27 | 11 min |
| #4 | biggest idiot in open | 224 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #5 | josh | 187 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | flaw | +2.36 | 83 | 62 |
| #2 | josh | +2.30 | 89 | 55 |
| #3 | TOY â(ã)āļ§ | +1.36 | 77 | 71 |
| #4 | Xeris | +0.72 | 70 | 66 |
| #5 | tdumps | -0.59 | 77 | 35 |





