








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 27 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 261 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




53 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3169 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,018 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 370 | 4% |
| Smokes | 4346 | 43% |
| HE Grenades | 2969 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 2333 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $210,557 of utility $26 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 177 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | That1guy | 61% | 23 |
| #2 | ✯WhitePlague✯ | 57% | 21 |
| #3 | deadman | 55% | 73 |
| #4 | Swuunky | 53% | 55 |
| #5 | thezfunk | 52% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Supreme Banana | 41% | 93 |
| #12 | Gumbo Slice | 39% | 31 |
| #13 | Baby Pew | 38% | 21 |
| #14 | Torta Pounder | 28% | 25 |
| #15 | The Erie Eggplant | 20% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Supreme Banana | 20 | 0.0112 |
| #2 | Gumbo Slice | 10 | 0.0176 |
| #3 | The Erie Eggplant | 8 | 0.0092 |
| #4 | Maniac.0330 | 7 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | noidedmc | 7 | 0.0108 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maniac.0330 | 214 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #2 | deadman | 154 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #3 | kingsland15 | 127 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | Gumbo Slice | 74 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #5 | Swuunky | 49 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Throat Clogger | +4.22 | 48 | 36 |
| #2 | That1guy | +1.52 | 59 | 54 |
| #3 | thezfunk | +0.36 | 46 | 41 |
| #4 | -1 sYNDROme | +0.12 | 51 | 56 |
| #5 | kingsland15 | -0.84 | 31 | 50 |





