








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 204 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1387 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,725 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 583 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1065 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1169 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 908 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $757,621 of utility $172 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sweetish | 68% | 28 |
| #2 | smoothbraindog | 64% | 28 |
| #3 | varsityjoe | 59% | 140 |
| #4 | Story | 57% | 137 |
| #5 | F-12 Targeting Computer | 54% | 154 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | varsityjoe | 59% | 140 |
| #4 | Story | 57% | 137 |
| #5 | F-12 Targeting Computer | 54% | 154 |
| #6 | fire mike tomlin | 52% | 44 |
| #7 | Randall | 37% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | varsityjoe | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | F-12 Targeting Computer | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | Story | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #4 | smoothbraindog | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | varsityjoe | 599 | 0.19 | 16 min |
| #2 | Story | 531 | 0.18 | 15 min |
| #3 | F-12 Targeting Computer | 360 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #4 | fire mike tomlin | 101 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | sweetish | 78 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Story | +2.61 | 87 | 74 |
| #2 | varsityjoe | +2.37 | 82 | 75 |
| #3 | sweetish | +1.41 | 61 | 74 |
| #4 | F-12 Targeting Computer | +0.42 | 77 | 59 |
| #5 | smoothbraindog | -0.29 | 72 | 44 |





