








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 277 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 206 matches | ||
| Premier | 73 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3349 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,105 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4090 | 27% |
| Smokes | 4038 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3263 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3714 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $568,718 of utility $83 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 96 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | smoothbraindog | 69% | 65 |
| #2 | seilliG | 67% | 43 |
| #3 | sweetish | 67% | 30 |
| #4 | Story | 63% | 211 |
| #5 | F-12 Targeting Computer | 62% | 210 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Story | 63% | 211 |
| #5 | F-12 Targeting Computer | 62% | 210 |
| #6 | fire mike tomlin | 59% | 56 |
| #7 | No. | 59% | 140 |
| #8 | The Prince | 57% | 84 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | F-12 Targeting Computer | 7 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | Story | 2 | 0.0004 |
| #3 | fire mike tomlin | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | seilliG | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | No. | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Story | 824 | 0.18 | 21 min |
| #2 | F-12 Targeting Computer | 449 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #3 | seilliG | 221 | 0.25 | 7 min |
| #4 | fire mike tomlin | 144 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | No. | 125 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | varsityjoe | +2.62 | 80 | 74 |
| #2 | Story | +2.33 | 86 | 73 |
| #3 | seilliG | +1.97 | 86 | 74 |
| #4 | sweetish | +0.92 | 58 | 76 |
| #5 | F-12 Targeting Computer | -0.10 | 75 | 55 |





