








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 287 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 226 matches | ||
| Premier | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3617 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,250 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4906 | 28% |
| Smokes | 4965 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2672 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 4707 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $697,357 of utility $90 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 178 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | smoothbraindog | 67% | 79 |
| #2 | varsityjoe | 63% | 211 |
| #3 | F-12 Targeting Computer | 62% | 293 |
| #4 | sweetish | 61% | 23 |
| #5 | seilliG | 60% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | seilliG | 60% | 45 |
| #6 | fire mike tomlin | 59% | 94 |
| #7 | No. | 57% | 137 |
| #8 | The Prince | 55% | 58 |
| #9 | Randall | 47% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | F-12 Targeting Computer | 12 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | varsityjoe | 6 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | smoothbraindog | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | seilliG | 3 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | fire mike tomlin | 2 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | varsityjoe | 888 | 0.19 | 24 min |
| #2 | F-12 Targeting Computer | 659 | 0.11 | 18 min |
| #3 | fire mike tomlin | 256 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #4 | seilliG | 204 | 0.22 | 6 min |
| #5 | smoothbraindog | 123 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Story | +2.87 | 87 | 74 |
| #2 | varsityjoe | +2.71 | 80 | 74 |
| #3 | seilliG | +1.31 | 86 | 74 |
| #4 | sweetish | +1.12 | 59 | 78 |
| #5 | F-12 Targeting Computer | +0.20 | 75 | 58 |





