








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 422 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 240 matches | ||
| Premier | 238 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5639 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,883 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4274 | 31% |
| Smokes | 3405 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2997 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3207 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,267,586 of utility $187 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 672 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | smoothbraindog | 62% | 85 |
| #2 | Story | 62% | 293 |
| #3 | varsityjoe | 62% | 210 |
| #4 | fire mike tomlin | 57% | 134 |
| #5 | No. | 54% | 154 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | seilliG | 51% | 73 |
| #7 | World's Longest Yeah Boi | 49% | 53 |
| #8 | The Prince | 46% | 136 |
| #9 | Randall | 43% | 37 |
| #10 | chance | 35% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Prince | 7 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | varsityjoe | 6 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | fire mike tomlin | 5 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | seilliG | 5 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | Story | 4 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Story | 1212 | 0.19 | 33 min |
| #2 | varsityjoe | 945 | 0.21 | 26 min |
| #3 | fire mike tomlin | 356 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #4 | seilliG | 332 | 0.22 | 9 min |
| #5 | chance | 197 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Story | +2.95 | 87 | 74 |
| #2 | varsityjoe | +2.50 | 80 | 75 |
| #3 | seilliG | +1.79 | 89 | 73 |
| #4 | F-12 Targeting Computer | +0.55 | 78 | 57 |
| #5 | smoothbraindog | -0.08 | 73 | 50 |





