








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 186 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 58 matches | ||
| Premier | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1873 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,939 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 736 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1150 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 939 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1114 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $639,561 of utility $196 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 82 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | seilliG | 71% | 31 |
| #2 | varsityjoe | 69% | 65 |
| #3 | Story | 67% | 79 |
| #4 | yo babe amy | 67% | 15 |
| #5 | fire mike tomlin | 65% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Story | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | fire mike tomlin | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Guenther Steiner | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | yo babe amy | 2 | 0.0063 |
| #5 | F-12 Targeting Computer | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | varsityjoe | 378 | 0.27 | 11 min |
| #2 | Story | 310 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| #3 | F-12 Targeting Computer | 210 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #4 | seilliG | 153 | 0.24 | 5 min |
| #5 | fire mike tomlin | 142 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | varsityjoe | +3.04 | 82 | 76 |
| #2 | seilliG | +2.22 | 84 | 75 |
| #3 | Story | +2.20 | 85 | 75 |
| #4 | smoothbraindog | +0.89 | 74 | 51 |
| #5 | ppman3 | +0.34 | 88 | 58 |





