








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 53 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Premier | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
795 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,076 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 315 | 15% |
| Smokes | 835 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 303 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 623 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $122,255 of utility $41 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Flingle | 89% | 9 |
| #2 | FinnQwert | 76% | 21 |
| #3 | ATEX | 60% | 48 |
| #4 | Hentai! • Gabe Newell | 55% | 44 |
| #5 | rakkdor | 53% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hentai! • Gabe Newell | 213 | 0.25 | 5 min |
| #2 | ATEX | 32 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #3 | rakkdor | 32 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #4 | mr.cooldude80 | 27 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | BeastRaze | 25 | 0.03 | 1 min |





