








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 100 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 72 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1511 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,244 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 292 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1133 | 50% |
| HE Grenades | 582 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 237 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $447,020 of utility $111 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 17 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fatherfritos | 82% | 11 |
| #2 | Noku | 76% | 21 |
| #3 | garage11 | 71% | 14 |
| #4 | ATEX | 69% | 36 |
| #5 | Hentai! • Gabe Newell | 61% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Flingle | 51% | 43 |
| #10 | Aki | 50% | 12 |
| #11 | Hammerbros2315 | 49% | 39 |
| #12 | Kyoran | 46% | 13 |
| #13 | mette | 38% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hentai! • Gabe Newell | 5 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Hammerbros2315 | 3 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | mr.cooldude80 | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | ATEX | 2 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | mette | 2 | 0.0049 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hentai! • Gabe Newell | 267 | 0.23 | 6 min |
| #2 | BeastRaze | 58 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #3 | mr.cooldude80 | 41 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | Hammerbros2315 | 41 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | RaK TyT | 34 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | garage11 | +6.90 | 81 | 56 |
| #2 | FinnQwert | +3.16 | 73 | 28 |
| #3 | mr.cooldude80 | +1.00 | 33 | 42 |
| #4 | Fatherfritos | +0.84 | 14 | 24 |
| #5 | ATEX | +0.77 | 39 | 40 |





