








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 584 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 206 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 42 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3010 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,058 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1786 | 18% |
| Smokes | 2947 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3267 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 2058 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,754,145 of utility $184 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 276 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Aki | 45% | 149 |
| #8 | Hammerbros2315 | 43% | 46 |
| #9 | mr.cooldude80 | 42% | 189 |
| #10 | mette | 36% | 107 |
| #11 | Joe | 32% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hentai! • Gabe Newell | 27 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | mette | 15 | 0.0070 |
| #3 | mr.cooldude80 | 11 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | FinnQwert | 9 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | Aki | 5 | 0.0018 |





