








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1257 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 250 matches | ||
| Premier | 171 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 66 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




61 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7485 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 32,240 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11266 | 35% |
| Smokes | 6974 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 8318 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 5682 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,453,542 of utility $100 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2479 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chΰbbi☻ | 90% | 48 |
| #2 | pinkcut | 84% | 108 |
| #3 | moooks | 82% | 225 |
| #4 | ステーキ | 80% | 265 |
| #5 | sohai lanjiao gugubird | 78% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Gentle Wife Beater | 71% | 119 |
| #10 | 𐂃 | 67% | 57 |
| #11 | ᵈᵉˢᵗⁱⁿʸ | 60% | 83 |
| #12 | ✞ 𝖏𝖊𝖘𝖘𝖎𝖈𝖆 | 60% | 105 |
| #13 | Spotify | 45% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | smxx | 73 | 0.0123 |
| #2 | moooks | 67 | 0.0157 |
| #3 | ステーキ | 50 | 0.0101 |
| #4 | sohai lanjiao gugubird | 24 | 0.0110 |
| #5 | pinkcut | 10 | 0.0048 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ステーキ | 1079 | 0.22 | 26 min |
| #2 | smxx | 790 | 0.13 | 15 min |
| #3 | moooks | 436 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #4 | sohai lanjiao gugubird | 396 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #5 | pinkcut | 368 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CEMENT_BAKING | +3.62 | 78 | 74 |
| #2 | moooks | +3.05 | 89 | 48 |
| #3 | P0iS0N0uS | +2.89 | 92 | 53 |
| #4 | smxx | +2.86 | 79 | 40 |
| #5 | ステーキ | +2.50 | 78 | 58 |





