








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 224 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 165 matches | ||
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Renown | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2341 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,273 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1599 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2121 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1380 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1173 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $550,904 of utility $108 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 164 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Spuffy | 75% | 16 |
| #3 | Wuppa | 75% | 16 |
| #4 | SlaiBa | 64% | 22 |
| #5 | Shmuel | 62% | 13 |
| #6 | Zervy | 57% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wuppa | 1 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shmuel | 103 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #2 | SlaiBa | 72 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #3 | Zervy | 68 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | Wuppa | 63 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #5 | Spuffy | 57 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shmuel | +3.43 | 80 | 55 |
| #2 | SlaiBa | +3.42 | 87 | 71 |
| #3 | Wuppa | +1.64 | 55 | 59 |
| #4 | ronny | +1.51 | 87 | 55 |
| #5 | Zervy | +1.26 | 72 | 68 |





