








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 183 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 214 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 77 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1613 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,444 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4385 | 30% |
| Smokes | 3235 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 3665 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3159 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $612,940 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 467 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SquirtEEZy | 79% | 19 |
| #2 | Shoddy RANDO | 64% | 36 |
| #3 | Dragon | 54% | 71 |
| #4 | The CUNT | 52% | 25 |
| #5 | VaRDiNaL | 50% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PastorDolph | 570 | 0.20 | 16 min |
| #2 | Ragnarok | 118 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #3 | The CUNT | 91 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #4 | Shoddy RANDO | 89 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | VaRDiNaL | 74 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Grimreaper | +3.82 | 51 | 55 |
| #2 | Shoddy RANDO | +2.95 | 55 | 67 |
| #3 | SquirtEEZy | +1.62 | 34 | 57 |
| #4 | ALIMATRIX | +0.71 | 46 | 46 |
| #5 | Dragon | +0.61 | 52 | 42 |





