










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 144 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
396 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 639 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 228 | 36% |
| Smokes | 213 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 142 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 56 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $354,013 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 219 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | penguin | 65% | 17 |
| #2 | Buzzboy4567 | 58% | 12 |
| #3 | Rod wave | 57% | 35 |
| #4 | John T. Cowboy | 48% | 21 |
| #5 | Qlick | 46% | 71 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rod wave | 6 | 0.0092 |
| #2 | John T. Cowboy | 5 | 0.0122 |
| #3 | Qlick | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Kare | 2 | 0.0047 |
| #5 | Bankerr | 2 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John T. Cowboy | 108 | 0.26 | 1 min |
| #2 | Rod wave | 93 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | Qlick | 84 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | penguin | 52 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #5 | Striker-Nick | 42 | 0.23 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Qlick | +8.44 | 71 | 60 |
| #2 | Rod wave | +5.55 | 75 | 48 |
| #3 | Striker-Nick | +5.48 | 67 | 66 |
| #4 | Bankerr | +5.45 | 78 | 37 |
| #5 | penguin | +4.66 | 58 | 54 |





