










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 199 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 38 matches | ||
| Premier | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
979 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,914 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1815 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2079 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2191 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1829 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $146,852 of utility $38 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 928 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 𖤓 Pavetti 𖤓 | 61% | 18 |
| #2 | No russians | 50% | 18 |
| #3 | Michael Phelps | 46% | 84 |
| #4 | Fress1 | 44% | 71 |
| #5 | MrAlias | 43% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | THE PEPS1 –¦– | 21 | 0.0103 |
| #2 | Free Hasbulla–¦– | 10 | 0.0123 |
| #3 | yoManChigago | 9 | 0.0062 |
| #4 | Fress1 | 8 | 0.0056 |
| #5 | No russians | 5 | 0.0144 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | THE PEPS1 –¦– | 449 | 0.22 | 10 min |
| #2 | yoManChigago | 235 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | Michael Phelps | 217 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #4 | MrAlias | 176 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #5 | Free Hasbulla–¦– | 92 | 0.11 | 2 min |





